Day 163 - 5 Things That Suck About Traveling

Travel | November 10, 2009

When I came up with the concept for this blog post, in two parts, I wasn't sure what should be part 1, and what part 2. If I did the things that sucked first you would all label me an ungrateful wench, who didn't deserve the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity of traveling North and Central America for 6 months, and in fact, come to think of it, you never really liked me anyway, so it's about time you de-friended me from Facebook, deleted my phone number from your mobile phone, and just imagined that life had always been devoid of my presence.

On the other hand, if I wrote the things that rule first, you would assume I was blatantly shoving my wonderful trip in your face, aiming to tickle your jealous bone, and now that you contemplate it, I always seem to be boasting about the grand things I'm doing, and truly, you're just sick to the lower intestine of it, so this blog post is as good an incentive as any to delete my email address from your account, poke my eyes out in all the pictures you have of me, and just hope that one day my existence in your life will completely fade from memory.

So, let me just say right now, the point of these posts is to show that traveling truly has both its ups and its downs.

There are good times, when you can barely believe you're swinging in a hammock, in the fading sunshine, with a Flor de Cana rum in your hand and a night of talking, eating and laughing stretching out before you.

There are the bad times, when you've been on a bus for 10 hours already, get stuck in a traffic jam, and realise that there is no way on God's green earth that you're going to be able to find your way to the hostel in the dark, and hence will simply have to trust yourself to one of the many taxi drivers hustling travelers as they disembark at the bus stop.

And, there are the plain old mundane times, when you might as well be sitting on the couch at home, scratching your bum and watching the same bad TV you seem to be watching in the middle of Guatemala on a sunny Sunday afternoon

So, I flipped a coin, and here are the top 5 things that suck about traveling (in no particular order):

1) Border crossings

It's hot.

There is a line of people ten deep that you know will take a good 30 minutes to get through. You're number 11.

You're lugging your giant pack and day pack through the queues, money changers, and plethora of innovative hustlers at the immigration office.

You have to find the damn immigration form somewhere, but where remains a mystery. And, when you finally do find it, you're asked for a "propina voluntario" (voluntary tip) from the person that handed it to you.

Oh, and this is only the exit border.

You have to then walk through the hot, hot heat, usually for 10 minutes or so, with all your junk, avoid eye contact with a new batch of hustlers at the entry border, find the form you're supposed to fill in, maybe buy a ticket out of the country that you don't need, to somewhere you don't want to go, because that is a requirement of entry, buy a tourist visa, and then, finally, line up behind all the other weary travelers doing the exact same thing.

ARGH!

2) Organising

I know, not everyone feels the need to be as organised as me. But, I would assume, everyone must do at least some organising to get where they're going.

Which bus to get on? Where to get off? How many buses to get where you're going? Where to buy a ticket, and for how much? What hostel to stay at? How to get there? Where to go next?

I know, I can hear some of you groaning that if these are the worries of my life at the moment, then I haven't got it half bad. But, after 5 months of doing this every 3-4 days, it's started to make me feel like my head is going to explode. This is part of the reason we have chosen to sit still for two weeks at a lovely little apartment in Bocas del Toro.

3) TAXI!!!

If I had a dollar for every time that has been yelled at me while I'm walking down the street, and CLEARLY don't need a taxi, I'd be a rich woman (or at least a woman with maybe $100 extra in my pocket).

The other thing is, even though I CLEARLY don't need or want a taxi, I'm still unsure what my reaction should be.

Some of the people yelling TAXI!!! at me are people I know have yelled TAXI!!! at me for the past 3 days, so if I recognise them, surely they recognise me?

Do I need to say no again? Can I just ignore them and hope they go away? Do I shake my head? Smile politely and shrug? Give them the old hairy eyeball?

You'd think after 4 months down here, I'd know the appropriate response, but alas I do not. Instead I rotate randomly through all the above responses, hoping one of them is the right one.

Sometimes I wish I knew how to swear in Spanish.

4) Finding food

The search never seems to end. You feel like a pioneer striking your way through uncharted territory, with only your nose and a subtle sense of what's right and wrong in the food world to guide you. You sniff a little to the left, see a bunch of locals entering a seemingly innocuous-looking comedor. You hover near the door, glancing at the chalkboard menu that lists neither prices nor ingredients, hoping for some sort of sign. But, the other locals leaving the seemingly-innocuous comedor all seem to be in good health and spirits, so you figure you might as well give it a try too.

At each new town it's the same problem.

What and where to eat.

There is a subtle mix of factors that come into play when finding the ultimate place for a bite; price, location to hostel v.s. how hungry you are, menu selection, who you are going to eat with and what they like.

I, personally, get so sick of searching for places to find food that I starting blessing the hostels that provide dry toast, weird jam and black, instant coffee for breakfast. Not only does this save money, but it also removes one meal from the constant search for food.

Now, don't get me wrong, I LOVE trying new things, and have adored almost all the food I have eaten on my travels. From tacos in Mexico, to comida corrientes in Nicaragua, beans and eggs in Guatemala and barbecued lobster in Belize, I've scarfed down my fair share. It's just the constant search that starts to get me down.

After eating at one good place in a town, you find yourself wanting to go back over and over for the familiarity of having a constant in your life and the ease of eating there over finding another place to dine. Once again, another reason for stopping for two weeks at an apartment with a kitchen - the search has ended (at least for a little while).

5) The Lonely Planet

The Lonely Planet is both the bane of my travels and my essential travel companion.

How is that possible? I hear you ask. Let me explain.

The Lonely Planet lets you know how to get from point A to B, what buses to catch and where to catch them. It provides hostel listings that are safe, and even a selection of relatively cheap places to eat. It also provides inspiration for choosing your next destination.

The thing I don't like is how it does it.

Lonely Planet authors write with whimsy and wonderment. They express excitement at the most boring and mundane towns, and seem to find a positive in almost every tour and activity on offer.

Why can't they just say when something is, let's be honest here, completely and utterly crap?

Why can't they let you know in plain terms that a town is dull in the extreme and not worth visiting?

Why do they omit the fact that while a hostel may have a good 'vibe' the rooms are veritable prison cells, the toilets need a good clean and the staff a surly and sullen?

I've been misled too many times to count by the Lonely Planet.

I've eaten at unauthentic, overpriced restaurants, stayed at dark and dank hostels and visited towns whose main attraction is a run-down church and a smelly market place.

Oh Lonely Planet, how I love you and hate you.

My advice for travelers in the age of the internet is to get a netbook, ditch the Lonely Planet, and have Google as your travel companion of choice.

If you want the Lonely Planet, you simply look at their website, which contains all the same information as the books. Almost every town has a hostel with wifi these days, and if not, an internet cafe, which you will be using anyway. And, if all else completely fails, borrow the Lonely Planet from one of your fellow travelers - they all have the same edition. Trust me.

So... There's my wrap up of the Top 5 things that suck about traveling. Please comment. Let me know if you've deleted me from Facebook or your email contacts, just for my own peace of mind. Also, let me know if you think I'm a unappreciative wench, truly, I'm really interested.

More soon...