aside from the mama thing

Emotional Facebook Traffic Jam

Blogging | February 10, 2010

Facebook.

Hmmm. Facebook. It stirs me up with the teachers turned friends, childhood friends, old school chums and all the nooks and crannies of your current life set in a pot and a fire ablaze on low, mixing together. It affects my dreams, it confuses me. Who knows who. There are some interesting overlaps. But never mind all of that because I could go on and on about facebook. I am on it daily. I am a stay at home mom, it is winter and for now it is an easy outlet for me as well as a connection to other adult humans that I very much need.

All of that said, I recently had a facebook experience that I am off kilter from. There should be a term for that occurrence. What would it be called when you are thrown an unexpected fastball by facebook from the past. Mine was indirect but now I feel like the direct ones are lurking out there and strange people from the past are going to keep popping up like a demented whack a mole game of the past cast.

On facebook you are constantly receiving information about what other people are doing. You get little news headlines about who is commenting on what and what cause or arbitrary group who has joined and who has friended who. That's where my mind blower came from. A friend became friends with someone that I once knew very well growing up. A band of brothers I once was close with. I had never forgotten them but I guess I had compartmentalized them and tucked them away and there they remained children forever. Not. They are grown and like me they have families and jobs and lives.

It gives me anxiety to think of being contacted by them, to think of the past coming that much forward. There are people I see on facebook and I think best let sleeping dogs lie. It is too easy to knock on these virtual doors but it does not mean that the results will be handled with the same ease. There is something about having honor that keeps me in my place, something that helps keep the past sacred. I leave it where it belongs. It would be different if I turned a corner on the street and found one of these people or we were reacquainted at a party. Facebook is not the same hand of fate I guess is what I am feeling. Although there are plenty of people that have found and felt love and joy through these exchanges. And more and more in the telling of peoples stories the word Internet is involved. There are boundaries for me around some people.

There is some housecleaning to be done. It is both virtual and real. I have a day here with my kids as they are home, bound by snow. I know I will checking my computer hoping for a jolt of excitement exchanged on facebook or email. I hope it is not overly dramatic. I hope for a few laughs. I hope to be inspired.


Any Comments?

About saidee brown

Been making some changes. The bits that will remain. I have three young children. One is not yet in school. Time is limited and sacred.
Read more »

Categories of Published Work

A Visitor

By SAIDEE BROWN
Published: January 28, 2010

A visitor can weave magic over the house.

And There Isn't Even A Full Moon

By SAIDEE BROWN
Published: February 8, 2010

I have seen crazy and it does not take care of family.