Simple Ideas

My Love for The Isle

Blogging | June 4, 2010

Is not completely defined by this following paragraph from the Daily Scotsman relating the victims in a mass murder spree.

In addition to those known to him, Bird's victims included Kenneth Fishburn, a retired security guard; Susan Hughes, a 57-year-old mother-of-two; James and Jennifer Jackson, a retired couple; Isaac Dixon, a part-time mole catcher; Garry Purdham, 31, a rugby league player and farmer; Michael Pike, a 64-year-old out cycling; Jane Robinson, a 66-year-old who lived with her twin sister; and Jamie Clark, 23, an estate agent.

But yes, there was one phrase in there that stopped me cold. That of course was Isaac Dixon, part-time mole catcher. I mean no disrespect to Isaac, his family or his friends in Cumbria. I also mean no disrespect to the profession of mole catching. But that is where this starts to get interesting enough to stop reading and jot down a quick blog entry.

I don't think mole catcher has shown up in a obit in the USA in maybe 100 years. Sure, we have moles, but mostly we are talking CIA in that regard. And we have people that de-mole plots of ground by one means or another. In my youth, I helped an uncle de-mole his backyard in rural Maryland. I've never listed that on my resume. Not because I look down on mole catchers, it is more the amateur verses professional break. I was a mole removal hobbyist. There are some serious people in the game, trained professionals. And I'm not one of them.

Here is the big break number 1 between the two foremost English speaking countries in the world. The Brits are perfectly fine calling a mole catcher a mole catcher. I don't think we can do that over here. We need a title like "Vision Impaired Mammal Control Specialist "to give the mole catcher a little cachet. Once again. no disrespect to Isaac, but I think we do this in America for some pretty solid reasons. I'm thinking no woman in America would sleep with a guy who calls himself a mole-catcher. Hence we are the land of free, home of the brave and author of the fictitious job title. Over there, no problem. I think you can find a serving wench who is quite happy to have bagged a mole-catcher.

But it wasn't the mole-catcher sobriquet that really grabbed me and stopped me dead. No, this is what sealed my love with the Brits. It was the part time that did it. The Brits, God love 'em, felt compelled to include the level of engagement in the workforce. There is a veddy, veddy British message here. Calm, stay calm good people. This does not presage disaster in your humble town. Sure we lost a mole catcher, but it is not a full time mole catcher. Your gardens will not be overrun by moles. You do not need to book the remaining catchers in own to ensure you will get service. We do not want a panic to ensue.

I also envisioned the editors at the paper going over this entry in detail. Have we checked this Dixon chap out? Sheepishly the cub reporter answers up, "Well Chief he's not registered in the Guild of British Molecatchers nor is he in the British Traditional Molecatchers Register." "Ok, Jimmy, we're going to have to list him as a part timer." "Right Chief, I'm on it." This is Britain. Any full time mole catcher is in one of the registries. And you have to know that one registry is senior to the other, has more restrictive entry requirements and is just so much more, more British. I really do so love these people.

So yes, I really am sorry about yet another gun massacre taking place on earth. I'm sorry about the needless loss of life. But what I'm not sorry about is this. That in the year 2010 I'm breathing the same air as people who can list their occupation as "part time mole catcher". That there is a newspaper who can print that fact. And that there are readers over there who can read that phrase and finish the rest of the article.

I just love 'em.


Any Comments?

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