Little Mister Sunshine

Blogging | July 14, 2010

Warmth and sunshine follow me wherever I roam. I'm teaching in Ventura this week. They haven't seen the sun here for three months. I show up and well, you know the rest. Primo weather.

I took a picture the first morning here. I did my morning run to the pier that was used near the end of the film Little Miss Sunshine. I sent that photo to my brother who responded with a line from the film "I hate Everyone." Somehow, I periodically forget that. But in truth I hate nearly everyone.

The main problem I have with everyone is that they are by and large idiots.

As a result of this insight, I live alone. But now and then, I venture out and interact with these people. Then they remind me why I'm so much happier alone.

First off were the Brits who I let stay at my house. In a matter of two days, they managed to back up my plumbing. I run home from work over lunch and assess the situation. My assessment was that they were idiots and that I'd need a plumber to correct that. So I call the plumber and inform them that the plumber will be here in an hour. They inform me that that really doesn't fit with their vacation plans. In inform them they are quite welcome to use the bathroom at the McDonalds two blocks away for the duration of their visit. Even idiots get the message after a while. They hung around until my money fixed their problem. I have to say that I understand why the Brits are no longer a world power.

So a year later I let some Norwegians stay at my place. I tell them well in advance about the possible plumbing problem that could arise. The problem only crops up with families that have teen age kids. They have teen age kids. So thanks to my warnings, they take the proper precautions, right? Of course not, they are Norwegians. Three days in they back up my flipping plumbing. I suddenly see why the Norwegians are not even former world powers.

At this point you have to think that I'm the idiot here and by now I have to agree with you. Letting morons into my house really is not my best idea. Because once they are inside they are being stupid on my dime and my time.

So as soon as the Norwegians leave, my daughter comes down to stay at my place. She has been there many times. She is not a teenager so she does not destroy my plumbing. This is a good thing. But since I'm not there this time she wants to use the garage. Sure enough, she manages to lock her car in my garage. I'm three hours away and not interested in driving 6 hours to fix this problem. The simplest solution (for me) is for her to call a locksmith.

But that is not my daughter's solution. She thinks it is better for me to overnight the other garage door opener. Now here she shows that she was raised better than the Brits and the Norwegians. They both wasted my time and stuck me with the bill. To her credit, she paid for the shipping to get the opener there. But I still had the problem of the shipping itself. She sends me the shipping label and I print that out. I find the shipping drop box. The box says "shipping supplies inside". It lies, no supplies.

I have to say I half expected this. It would have been too easy because, let's face it, the shipping company employs idiots who don't restock the boxes with supplies. So i wander around with the clock ticking realizing that yet again I've managed to let someone else turn their problem into my problem.

I know, I know. This is why the sunshine follows me wherever I go. It is there to lull me into this false sense of happiness before life reminds me why...

"I hate everyone"