Love & Romance > Glen, Tiger and Closing Time

Glen, Tiger and Closing Time

By GREG MAFFETT
Published: February 18, 2010

It’s about time to send the puritans packing. Perhaps they were useful a few hundred years ago. Keeping order at a time when all our energies were rightly focused on clawing a society out of the wilderness. But now we’ve done finished our clawing. Society is built. So why are we wasting our time and energy on 200 year old mores? Tiger Woods had fallen on his sword, so to speak. He’s a good looking successful guy who can have just about any woman he wants. And apparently he has. Arguing from the perspective of what is best for America, you could say that 100 or 1000 little Tigers roaming the streets of America would cement the Ryder Cup for the US for like, I don’t, forever. So this is a good thing. Sure Tiger made hundreds of millions on endorsements and he’ll lose these in the future. That’s a business decision and nothing to worry the average person. But it sure worries the media. They want a vivisection. Tiger has a press conference tomorrow. Except in this conference there are no questions, just a prepared statement by Tiger. One particular sports writer wants to rip the flesh from Tiger’s bones. It’s what the media does. And they are mighty peeved that they can’t do that tomorrow. The sports writer who was grinding on this issue railed that Tiger “still didn’t get it.” Sorry little man. You are braying here. You don’t get it. During the day, we have one star we can see in the sky. At night, the sun goes to sleep and the minor stars are visible. That is how pro golf is. There is Tiger. And there are the guys not named Tiger. Who he sleeps with has nothing to do with the fact that he is the greatest man to ever play the game. So guess what? He still gets to call the shots. That is what talent gets you. A lame writer tapping on a keyboard can’t change that. All he can do is rant about Tiger being the dumb one. All I can do is smile. Tiger isn’t OJ or Phil Specter. No one got killed. The only ‘victim’ is Tiger himself. His wife, to some degree. And only then because he got caught and oh yeah, the media ripped him once so now she is the target of more media attention. But this will all die down. And she is living the life of a spouse of a multimillionaire. There are ways to deal with the pain, is all I’m saying. Enough on Tiger, time to move on to Glen. Glen is a former Navy Captain who will not escape near as well as Tiger. This guy was a base commander back east. He got caught soliciting an undercover cop for oral sex. Career over, forced out of the Navy, etc. Ok, bad day at the office there. Turns out he had stepped out at 9:30 AM on a Tuesday. This guy happened to be married too. So you see what the issue was. A puritanical wife who refuses to do oral sex after getting married. Which brings me back to my original point. We need to get rid of these puritanical ideas floating around in people’s heads. Were losing people who could be contributing. And would be, except for how they addressed a biological process. Because neither of guys did anything out of the ordinary for human beings. It was just the method of getting there that caused the stir. I brought this up with a fellow professor who commented on the dichotomy. One basic life truth is very different for men and women. In short, wives never get caught soliciting undercover male cops when they want to step out. And when was the last time the media made a fuss about a cheating superstar actress? At this point I got on a sidebar with the other professor. She pointed out why it was important for men to dress well. Her reasoning is “A man never gets a second chance to make a first impression.” His hope for the future is tied to that impression. The rule for men is dress well, get a good haircut and maybe he has a shot. But for women, what is the formula for success? Here it is, revealed for the first time to me at age 51. A formula that I suspect is known to all women over the age of 21. “All a woman has to do is walk into a bar at closing time and she’ll find a guy. May not be exactly what she is looking for, but really it is that simple.” And with that, I think its closing time for the puritans.

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