using my inside voice

Day 112: Some things not to do on Caye Caulker

Central American Travel | September 20, 2009

DO NOT:

  1. cook pasta in sea water. While it seems a good idea at the time, since sea water is salty and you cook pasta in salted water, it turns out that sea water is about 10 times as salty as desired and makes pasta inedible (though you try valiantly to make your way through most of the bowl, probably leading yourself unintentionally towards an unexpectedly early coronary in the process).
  2. make a pina colada from fresh coconut and fresh pineapple, even if you did knock the coconut down from the tree yourself and have to find something to do with your spoils. It really tastes like bum. Make it with coconut cream and store-bought pineapple juice as the recipe intended, that way you won't end up throwing precious, precious rum in the garbage.
  3. bake fish with lime (two whole limes infact). Lime goes very, very bitter once it's cooked. Where are the lemons on this island dammit?
  4. assume two latherings of suncream is enough for an entire day of snorkeling. It is not. You will end up looking like a beetroot despite your best intentions, and while you are sauntering away from your sail boat in the afternoon light, half-drunk from the free rum punch, you will look nowhere near as awesome as you suppose. It will be really embarrasing when you get home and see yourself in a mirror. Trust me.
  5. read two Danielle Steele novels in a row. It will give you an entirely warped perspective on life, especially on a small island, where there is nothing to do but read, swim, think and drink too much rum. You will start to wonder if maybe you should strike out and buy a small farm in a sparsely inhabited area of North America to recover from the wounds of your previous relationship. You will be independent, reliant on no-one, and in the end, the Frenchman, who lives with the local tribes and was initially against your move to the area in the first place, will be so impressed with your tenacity and vitality of spirit, that he will fall in love with you and want to get married. (Please don't judge me...)


Comments

1. Jason on September 20, 2009

Hilarity - one of your best :-)

2. Blythe on September 22, 2009

Haha... Bay at her hilarious best. Love you long time. xx

3. kmonsta on October 2, 2009

Bay this was so funny, Did none tell you consuming sea water makes you MAD!

or maybe its the rum, mmmm no defo not the rum!

We miss you guys and i havent been that responsive as crazy stuff be happening here.

Burning man for one! we must discuss that one over a few drinks.

My mum came to stay, and my friend katie-sue is her too.

I quit wicked and now the rumours are flying that i left arthur and went to a different country.

And now he will quit and leave too. People sure know how to talk some smack over here.

Any way much love to and luke lets hope its not to long before we meet again.

Love Kylie

Any Comments?

About Bay Oliver

Bay's career has been many and varied due to a penchant for traveling the world. After completing a double degree in Business Management and Journalism at the University of Queensland in 2002 she was lucky enough to land herself a job at Brisbane's Quest Community Newspapers. A year of roving reporting brought the epiphany that journalism and Bay didn't jive.
Read more »

Hobbies & Interests

How to be creative...

Creating an economically viable entity where lack of original thought is handsomely rewarded creates a rich, fertile environment for parasites to breed. And thatʼs exactly whatʼs been happening. So now we have millions upon millions of human tapeworms thriving in the Western World, making love to their Powerpoint presentations, feasting on the creativity of others. http://changethis.com/6.HowToBeCreative

Blog Roll

Categories of Published Work

Day 71 - Spanish School and Guatemalan Adventures

By BAY OLIVER
Published: August 10, 2009

Guatemala is everything and nothing like I expected, with contradictions at every corner and a smile just an 'hola!' away.

Day 82 - Two weeks in Antigua

By BAY OLIVER
Published: August 21, 2009

Two weeks went by so fast, but now I at least know how to say more than 'Hola!'